Name the greatest invention of all time. Really think about it. Ok. Time is up. If you didn’t say backscratcher then you’re absolutely wrong. Or maybe you’re a transformer. Somehow able to magically extend your arm an additional foot, having the full range to scratch your back. Lucky you. But for the rest of us mere mortals, the backscratcher is a life-changing tool that simply does not get enough credit.
“You scratch my back; I scratch your back,” this is one of the most famous sayings and one can’t help but wonder what brought upon the need to even say this. Picture it: a caveman forced to rub his back against a tree because everyone around him refuses to scratch his back. The drama.
The modern-day version of this is people grabbing any object near them - pens, pencils, even forks to scratch their backs, hoping to alleviate the discomfort by even a little bit. You look silly. Get a backscratcher.
But backscratchers are not anything new. Backscratchers were first used by early primates who used tree branches to scratch itches in impossible to reach places.* But just because a backscratcher is so easy and practical even a monkey can use it, does not make it any less impressive. Backscratchers can be simple, but they can also get pretty fancy. An ancient Chinese emperor once used a backscratcher made from jade.* So clearly backscratchers can be as simple or extravagant as you want them to be.
Backscratchers were even seen as a statement piece at one point. People would elaborately decorate backscratchers and hang them from their waists.* What did the famous character, Forrest Gump, once say? You can tell a lot about a person by the shoes they wear? Surely, he meant to say you can tell a lot about a person by their backscratcher - or lack thereof.
Backscratchers are kind of like personalized phone cases. There’s a backscratcher out there for every kind of person: long, extendable, metal, portable. They even have bamboo backscratchers for those looking to reduce their carbon footprint. And guess what else, they’re pretty inexpensive too. You can get a pack of 3 for under $15 and pass them out. You’d be a local hero. Because everybody needs a backscratcher but not everybody knows they need a backscratcher. A good friend will scratch their friend’s back when asked. An even better friend will just send a link for them to buy a backscratcher.
Pop quiz: it’s your friend’s birthday, what gift are you buying them? No, not an air fryer. They can’t scratch their back with an air fryer. The correct answer is backscratcher. The correct answer is always backscratcher because the backscratcher is the best invention of all time. It is an unsung hero - always up for doing the hard work but never gets any of the praise. It is time we change that. Maybe give the backscratcher its own holiday. It’s the right thing to do.
Happy National Backscratcher Day (which is honestly every day).
* Chisholm, Hugh, ed. (1911). "Backscratcher". Encyclopædia Britannica. 3 (11th ed.). Cambridge University Press. p. 135.
